By Fred DeFalco
Who would you be if you did not know who you were? It’s a question that seems simple but touches the deepest core of our being. The real answer has the power to shake the very foundation of your life. Most people go through life on autopilot, thinking they know who they are, only to find themselves stuck in a cycle of crises and conflicts they can’t escape.
What if your life has been built on an identity that’s not truly yours? What if, instead of living your own life, you’ve been living a script written by your problems, your successes, or the constant need to be right? This article is a wake-up call, especially for those between the ages of 41 to 60—when the stakes are higher, and the questions about identity grow louder. But it’s not just about that age group; it’s for anyone willing to look deeper.
The Elusive Nature of Identity
Identity is like a mirage—just when you think you’ve grasped it, it slips away. Many of us mistakenly identify ourselves by our roles, titles, circumstances, successes, or even our struggles. We let these things define us, worshiping them like idols without even realizing it.
We see this happen everywhere: in careers where success becomes our badge of worth, in relationships where pain and drama define our self-view, and in politics where the need to be right consumes our peace. We let our achievements, failures, and the opinions of others build the dam that holds back our soul’s true expression.
The Third Quarter of Life: Crisis or Correction?
Life can be seen as a four-quarter game just like football, 20 years in each quarter. Too many lose the game in this quarter. The third quarter, ages 41 to 60, is the most critical. It’s the time when many look around and realize they’ve climbed a ladder that was leaning against the wrong wall.
Instead of corrections and celebrations, many people get lost in conflicts and crises. They wonder why their lives didn’t turn out as they had planned, even when they achieved their goals. This is the hidden crisis of identity. The real issue is not that life is falling apart but that the identity they’ve clung to is crumbling.
And let’s be honest—sometimes, even when life feels “okay,” we are in the most danger. “Okay” is where the biggest lies hide, where we settle into complacency and ignore the call to something greater.
Lessons from A Course in Miracles
Lesson 283 of A Course in Miracles tells us, “My true identity abides in You.” We create images of ourselves based on what we think we are, but these images are often false and limiting. They are tied to our achievements, our failures, and our desperate need to be right.
When we identify with anything outside of our true self including our loved ones we lose sight of our essence. We end up worshiping these false idols—the image of success, the drama of our problems, or the need to have all the answers. And when these idols inevitably let us down, we’re left with confusion, crisis, and an unshakable sense of loss.
The Disease of Being Right
One of the most dangerous traps in life is the need to be right. It’s a subtle form of madness that builds a dam, blocking the natural flow of your soul’s wisdom. The need to be right is like ripe fruit—it seems perfect on the outside, but inside, it’s starting to rot. The moment you cling to being right, you’ve already begun to decay.
This obsession with being right weakens relationships, drains your peace, and fuels conflicts both within and around you. The question you must ask yourself is simple: Would you rather be right, or would you rather be at peace? Because you can’t have both. Choosing peace over being right is the first step toward real power and clarity.
Breaking the Dam and Finding Your True Identity
Anger, ego, and the desperate need to be right create a dam that blocks the waters of your soul. This dam stops the flow of your true essence, cutting off your access to peace, creativity, and authentic joy. But there’s good news—you have the power to break the dam.
Reconnecting with your true identity means letting go of the false labels you’ve accepted over the years. It means understanding that your true self is not defined by your job, your bank account, your failures, or even your struggles. Your true identity is something deeper, unchangeable, and infinitely powerful.
From Crisis to Life Sentence or Death Sentence
The period from 41 to 60 is critical. It can be a time of incredible growth, transformation, and self-discovery. Or, it can feel like a life sentence of repeating the same cycles of pain, frustration, and confusion. The choice is yours. Will this be a period of crisis or correction?
To those of you who feel like you’re drowning in the crisis of identity, remember that your true self is waiting for you to return. It’s waiting for you to lay down the idols, the need to be right, and the obsession with your circumstances. It’s calling you to see beyond the mirage, to a place of peace and power that lies within.
Conclusion: The Call to Wake Up
This is your wake-up call. To the 41 to 60-year-olds, and anyone who feels lost in their identity—stop worshiping the idols of your past, your problems, or your successes. Let go of the dam that’s holding you back and let your soul flow freely again. Choose peace over being right. Choose correction over crisis. Choose to live not from the image of who you think you are but from the truth of your infinite self.
“You are not a crisis waiting to happen. You are a life waiting to be awakened and happy.”
“Your only true identity is your source. We are from the same source as the Sun – Shine Bright. ”
Take the Free Habits of Thought Assessment that will give you a 44-Page report on your hidden and sabotaging thought patterns that are defining your identity. Homepage of www.DeFalco.com
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